Okay so FIRST OF ALL, please do not leave me any comments on how In-N-Out completely owns Five Guys because:
So now that that’s out of the way…let’s get on to the disgusting heavenly goodness that is Five Guys burgers. Five Guys offers 16 toppings to choose from…and here’s the kicker: they’re all FREE. You can either go with EVERYTHING/ALL THE WAY and get all the toppings in BLACK on your burger (or hot dog…but let’s face it you’re there for the burgers), or get a little deliciously deranged and ask for all the toppings. I’ve been to Five Guys a total of three times. The first time, I got everything. I was excited but hesitant at first because of all the ridiculous notions stating that In-N-Out had better burgers. But as I bit into that soft, buttery patty, I knew right then that I had made the right choice. The toppings miraculously do not overpower the meat but instead provide a perfect symmetry of tastegasms.
Such a boring sign, I would’ve never guessed such epicness would be waiting inside
The second and third time I went, which was this past weekend, I got all the way. WARNING: Do not be fooled by their menu! I thought everything meant all the toppings shown in black and all the way meant ALL FRIGGIN TOPPINGS (red and black). Apparently I was wrong. So as of right now I still have yet to taste the succulent coma-inducing monster that is the burger with all the toppings. Everything/All the way still doesn’t make sense to me but I shall forgive them for their carelessness with words for I am indebted to their scrupulous attention to scrumptiousness.
In-N-Out devotees can suck it while I suck on some awesome burgers,
P.S. I love you, In-N-Out, don’t hate me.